Maybe.

So, as I said yesterday. I fucked up. And well nothing seems to be working.

self pity, wanting him, wishing for time to turn around, talking, nothing. I just feel so shit, I've fucked up the best thing going atm and its killing me.

Faaark! If I've lost him I'm seriously gonna die. I love him so much! :(

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Everything turns to a nightmare

So, you know I think its just me? Its never anyone else you know? That fucks her relationships up, its always my reactions, and actions, and train of thought, and just be in general that ruin everything.

You know I seriously thought this time would be different? Like maybe we could go a few months without a fight, you know like normal people? But no, I have to come along and fuck us all up with my fucking jealousy!

I seriously fucking hate myself! I love him so much but I just can't do this right, and now I've pushed him so far away with me actions and I just don't have the strength to fight any of it anymore. I just don't want to.

I failed math and modern. Got 84 for drama. Guess I can't complain about that. Havn't got anything else back yet, but the fail is still a worry.

And then on top of that I've fucked it up, his blocked me from everything, I've pushed myself out and it hurts. You know what if it was a team effort maybe it wouldn't feel so bad but knowing I puched him away well that just kills.

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youtube.

So like in my complete bordem of school and study periods *cough cough* frees, I have found like the coolest guy on youtube like ever! Okay, so maybe but not?! But you know his pretty funny and an alright singer.

So like I'm just gonna do a spot of advertising, Charlie is so cool. :P

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EXAMS :(

Well well well, isn't this week just a bitch! eExams all bloody week, I guess it's not to bad, I only have one exams a day and I'm pretty sure I've done alright in most of them maybe even a pass in modern history! Well a BIG maybe but hey you get what I mean?

But I'm more looking forward to the weekend, my parents are going out which means I can stay out all weekend ! Yay me :)

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RAWR

I love him, anymore i could possbily say? i think not :)

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OMG! STRAIGHT OUT MY MOTHERS A WHORE!

You all know holly's retarded, yeah? Like everyone knows. Well she's fucked up at school once to many and now they want to kick her out! Fucking bastards!

Errrr! And guess what's the only school that will take her? Leichhardt. And guess what else?!? Mum wants us to move there! Like WTF? and what's worse then that may you ask; well let me tell you we'd be living in housing like why? We have a house here we are all happy living here, why move us there make me travel an hour to get to school or even have to change coz of a FUCKING RETARD!

I can't believe her, just send her to the school and get those taxi people to pick her up. WHY DO THIS TO US?

Am I overeacting?

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The 2nd of may.

Today last year was a somewhat magical day with a memory I hold stongly to myself, it was a day which involved waiting for a train that didn't show, then a down pour of rain then a run for cover and somehow before we even got close to cover there was a kiss. A wonderful kiss in the rain with my dear lover.

Today of course was not like the last, yesterday was to an extant, it was a happy day of love and affiction and somehow during the night it ran away and turned to a feeling of being wanted for things I didn't want and such.

I wouldn't take the day back and start again of course, I would never do that. Because it was a day where I woke up in his arms and I could feel his breathing on my neck and I knew the world couldn't get any better then it already was because I was by his side; which means more the me then anything else in the world for he fills me with a feeling no other can.

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