Guess who.

Okay, I'm sorry I havn't blogger in like, ummm, agers but I've been busy, okay lazy.

Ummm, this week I'm on work exp. down at sydney prop specialists its alright, I guess. At points I've wanted to just like kill myself out of boredem but now its kinda alright everyone's kinda talking to me here and there and I'm not just painting and sanding which was doing my head.

Its actually kinda funny most of the week phil the paint guy has been getting me to sand and then this morning when I start to he tells me to stop coz his got a headache.

Ummm, well yeah that's what I've been up to this week. What about you? :)

Lostintrasmission.xx

Maybe.

So, as I said yesterday. I fucked up. And well nothing seems to be working.

self pity, wanting him, wishing for time to turn around, talking, nothing. I just feel so shit, I've fucked up the best thing going atm and its killing me.

Faaark! If I've lost him I'm seriously gonna die. I love him so much! :(

Lostintrasmission.xx

Everything turns to a nightmare

So, you know I think its just me? Its never anyone else you know? That fucks her relationships up, its always my reactions, and actions, and train of thought, and just be in general that ruin everything.

You know I seriously thought this time would be different? Like maybe we could go a few months without a fight, you know like normal people? But no, I have to come along and fuck us all up with my fucking jealousy!

I seriously fucking hate myself! I love him so much but I just can't do this right, and now I've pushed him so far away with me actions and I just don't have the strength to fight any of it anymore. I just don't want to.

I failed math and modern. Got 84 for drama. Guess I can't complain about that. Havn't got anything else back yet, but the fail is still a worry.

And then on top of that I've fucked it up, his blocked me from everything, I've pushed myself out and it hurts. You know what if it was a team effort maybe it wouldn't feel so bad but knowing I puched him away well that just kills.

Lostintrasmission.xx

youtube.

So like in my complete bordem of school and study periods *cough cough* frees, I have found like the coolest guy on youtube like ever! Okay, so maybe but not?! But you know his pretty funny and an alright singer.

So like I'm just gonna do a spot of advertising, Charlie is so cool. :P

lostintransmission.xx

EXAMS :(

Well well well, isn't this week just a bitch! eExams all bloody week, I guess it's not to bad, I only have one exams a day and I'm pretty sure I've done alright in most of them maybe even a pass in modern history! Well a BIG maybe but hey you get what I mean?

But I'm more looking forward to the weekend, my parents are going out which means I can stay out all weekend ! Yay me :)

lostintransmission.xx

RAWR

I love him, anymore i could possbily say? i think not :)

Roundroundonthenightusavedmylife

OMG! STRAIGHT OUT MY MOTHERS A WHORE!

You all know holly's retarded, yeah? Like everyone knows. Well she's fucked up at school once to many and now they want to kick her out! Fucking bastards!

Errrr! And guess what's the only school that will take her? Leichhardt. And guess what else?!? Mum wants us to move there! Like WTF? and what's worse then that may you ask; well let me tell you we'd be living in housing like why? We have a house here we are all happy living here, why move us there make me travel an hour to get to school or even have to change coz of a FUCKING RETARD!

I can't believe her, just send her to the school and get those taxi people to pick her up. WHY DO THIS TO US?

Am I overeacting?

Lostintrasmission.xx

The 2nd of may.

Today last year was a somewhat magical day with a memory I hold stongly to myself, it was a day which involved waiting for a train that didn't show, then a down pour of rain then a run for cover and somehow before we even got close to cover there was a kiss. A wonderful kiss in the rain with my dear lover.

Today of course was not like the last, yesterday was to an extant, it was a happy day of love and affiction and somehow during the night it ran away and turned to a feeling of being wanted for things I didn't want and such.

I wouldn't take the day back and start again of course, I would never do that. Because it was a day where I woke up in his arms and I could feel his breathing on my neck and I knew the world couldn't get any better then it already was because I was by his side; which means more the me then anything else in the world for he fills me with a feeling no other can.

Lostintrasmission.xx

How the tides change!

Wow! Isn't it amazing how life changes? Just yesterday I was thinking how awesome life was how I just want to stay in that moment forever. God I wish I could go back there! Just one day I want to go back TWENTY FOUR HOURS! That's all I ask.

Errrr! I have my boyfriend calling me fat! I have my mother and father fighting over the fact I'm fat! I have a design and technology project due in 4 weeks! FOUR WEEKS! And of course I've basically done nothing. I knew it would take me at least 5 weeks to do the construction, another two to evaluate. And yet I have 4 weeks! Not even that! Like three and a half weeks and seeing I've got exams in two weeks that's like two weeks. I'm so over this shit.

I can't take it! I worried so much over modern that I ignored design and tech. Like how fucking stupid and I? I worried over a subject I'm going to drop over the one that's gonne pull me though at the end of the day. I can't believe how stupid I am!

And of course because my mothers a fucking whore who refuses to get the net at home I am unable to do the research for how to construct everything! Its fucked; seriously! I just want to crawl in a hole and die!

offically stressed out ; over it all ; and truely Lostintrasmission. xx

Life's good. Like really good. You know what I mean? Happy moments, no stress, seeing people that make you happy.

Well maybe some don't, but hey I'm there in that happy place and its good. Done my modern without to much stress presenting tomorrow. Wish me luck yeah? LOL. Slightly worried about the dawning d+t assesment which is coming up, but like I know one I actually get into the mojo of doing it should be sweet because it doesn't seem to hard.

There's exams in two weeks, they had to come eventually just didn't think it'd be this soon. We got the time table today and it seems to be a pretty sweet set up. All day monday with a two hour brake in between, tuesday morning, and every afternoon from one for the rest of the week. Which means sleeping in. YAY. The little things which keep me happy.

Also stole my bfs favorite jumper just to wear for the day at school to piss a few teachers off. Because I'm cool like that.

I guess there isn't much else to say so I'm off so I can hurry up and get home so I'm not late.

Post soon, Lostintrasmission xx

FML.

Omg! My little sister is a little bitch.

You know what she did? She broke the tv aeral and thens blame it on me coz I had only left for school. Mums rings me up screaming at me going ' the tvs broken everyone's saying its you Blah Blah Blah '

I get home this afternoon and she's like why'd you brake it for I'm like I didn't brake she's like holly said you did she said ' you ripped it out of the wall ' I'm like ' I didn't touch the thing I came out this morning to see why holly was going on and the tv had been spun half around and the chord was moved from the tv to the box ' and she's like ' you pulled it out everyone said you did '.

She's a fucking idiot I swear, she's going off by what holly says, she's a fucking liar. I can't believe she'd believe holly over me.

And then holly comes in and she's like you gotta take us to the park mum said which was a lie because mums right out side my room and she didn't say shit.

but hey you know holly can lie all she wants and get away with anything. Fucking retards I swear.

Lostintrasmission. xx

Wackjob.

Creepy people on trains, who likes em? Not me that's for sure.

So I'm on the train going home adn I'm sitting on the steps coz I'm too lazy to walk up them and sit down, so I sit on them.

And there's this guy just standing there reading his newspaper and its like yeah okay cool his not gonna bother me so I put my headphones in and sit the listening to music.

And then we stop, so I get up to let people past and he moves and stands next to me which was wierd and he was like ' hi ' and I said hi back and stuff and asked him how he was and stuff to poliet and stuff and then he shuts up and goes and stands back on the other side and then we stop again and I don't move and he comes and stands next to me and his like ' your beautiful ' and I'm like ' yeah, Thankx ' and he moved away again.

and then my stops comes and I go to get and he looks at the map thinks for a minute and gets off and then sits on the seat I keep walking and when I'm like halfway down the platform he gets up and starts walking and his looking at his phone and I'm about to leave the station and he starts running and as he gets to the ticket machine he checks his phone again and looks when the next train comes.

And I'm thinking okay wierdo. But then I'm walking up to the road and he starts walking and when I'm at the top of the steps he turns around and starts walking towards me so I walk fast and his still following me I cross the road he stays on the other side and then I turn the cornor he walks past and then comes back and like okay his fucking psycho. So I walk to marrickville road and walk into pizza hut and he turns around and heads back to the station.

I swear he was wierd, I thought I'd post this so if I get raped and killed coz he comes back people know why.

Love you all.
Lostintrasmission. xx

Knockitonthehead.

you know what I love?

I love how someone can bitch about someone's choice to who they have a relationship with and what they choose to do in their free time.

So, I'm sitting in modern history listening to ms going on about the arab israel conflict and next thing I here is ' well she opened up her legs to a thirty year old, she's a slut, I'm surprised she's not smoking yet '.

And it makes me wonder why they think that in concerns them. Like yeah okay, talk about, tell people, do what you want, but don't judge her by her choices. The people that are talking about this girl are a pair of girls who have two faced most people they know, cheated their way out of a lot issues with people that they have started.

And it annoys me because they think that what other do involves them, they repeat what they here to everyone and by the time it gets to the person it was originally about it has become such a big load of shit it gets so out of hand that its not even close to being funny.

For example by the time they have told everyone in their little group and it slowly gets back to the person it was originally about people will be saying she's done it with about five older guys.

And I quite frankly I believe that its extermly slack what these girls do and something needs to be done because people keep getting hurt by them being nosey about things which straight forwardly doesn't involve them.

I guess me posting this brings me down to their level of bitching but what they do just gets to me so much and I just needed to vent so I didn't end up saying something to them.

Lostintrasmission. xx

Andthedrumsahahahahahah.

welcome the invisible people of the world wide web, I would like to welcome you to todays update for my blog.

Well well well, I havn't really updated in like two weeks mostly because there hasn't been much happening, just hanging out with Ian, sleeping, facebook, and well that's kinda all.

I've relised my life is actually really boring I'm guessing that's why I'm a lone blogger but I guess its going to be interesting when someone decides to read all this.

Well, I was thinking of just kinda having a rant on this girl I know I'm thinking we should call her avalon, she's a bit of a nut job if you ask me, but people seem to like her, its not that I don't like her, its just that she annoys me with her stupidity. Like the other day and at like seven at night she was going on she missed her dog and stuff and it was like yeah okay reasonable, but then she keeps going on about it for like an hour and then next thing you know she on a train to her dads to get the dog and its like yeah okay doesn't concern me but then an hour later this is at nine at night she starts going on that there are rapests on the train and its like then why go? And then at ten thirty she's on the train home with the dog still going on about the rapests and by now her stupidity is pissing me off and I start telling her off for going on an hour long train ride at nine at night to get a dog when she's thirteen and she starts getting all defensive and shit so I leave it but then next thing you know she's going on about her being at her mums place and her mum sending her back to her dads on the train with the dog.

And by now its got me thinking, if she's doing all this shouldn't her parents start caring and so I bring it up with her again and then her sister pops up and tells her to get over herself and stop lying and shit, and it was like wtf is wrong with this girl she just seems like such an idoit. But I guess its like season says I hate everyone.

But of course that's not entirely true, I don't hate everyone just some people seem like complete dfaces so I don't really want anything to do with them and of course this just ends up starting up petty little arguements with people. Stupid annoying people of course. A teacher brought this up with me one time, she said that I had issues with people and that if someone didn't fit into how I thought things should run that I tend to disagree with them. I agree with what she said very well but of course I'm not really going to admit it to half the world because this would just end up starting problems with people.

But hey, I guess if its a problem for them I'm gonna have issues with it. LOL. Well I'm gonna leave it at that.

Lostintrasmission. xx

Abouttimemister.

Well hello, the imagery people that read this, I'm not going to lie or anything, I just havn't been bothered to leave a post or anything because like nothing interesting is happening and no one reads this.

But anywho if I don't update I'm never gonna get followers, so yeah. Umm, well the most interesting thing that's happened recently is I went to the easter show yesterday, it was fun, I went with the family and conned by bfn and his sister into going. ( they'd never been before )

And like it was alright, but I knew he didn't want to be there, his older as I've mentioned before, I think, so he thought he was to old for the rides and stuff so it was like he was just the bag boy. And I felt bad so I was trying to find ways to stay out, but of course it didn't work coz my dad was comming home and he would have known and stuff like that.

So I didn't stay out, and I thought he was cool with that, but then this morning mum wanted me to stay home and stuff so I did. And he got all cut and shit and has either slept or ignored me all day, and like its pissing me off, but I guess I can't do much.

But hey, then again I'm just talking to myself.

Lostintrasmission. x

Oneyear.

Omg! It was amazing, we went shopping like all day and then he took me to a hotel, and it was the most magical night of my life, I couldn't believe he'd done thatt for me. I don't know how I can make it up to him, it really was something amazing for him to do.

Its late and I just wanted to say it went great and that I'm truely happy to be with him :). Lostintrasmission. x

ourdaysarenumbered.

Okay so like my mum has been sick for a while, and its like I've tried to help here and there but sometimes its too much, like I've got school and other worries, but it feels like I'm her attack of the world at the moment, and its pissing me off. Like its understandable that she be pissed off and all that, but like I've got 2 tests next week and I have to prepare a decent speech all for school and its like I've got other worries at the same time avoiding just school.

But today is not about that, its about blocking what is stressing me out and relaxing, today is the weekend marking my one year anaversery with my boyfriend, were going out for the day and night. And I'm going to enjoy myself, well I hope I do. But I guess it will all play out how it does, but ill tell you all when I know.

Lostintrasmission. x

Andaoneo'clocktwoo'clockrock

Hmmmm, today. Well today was alright, it was mufti at school, and surprise surprise, people took what you wore as a status symbol. I have learnt that there's not much you can do to avoid what people think, so I went simple today, a black top, black jeans and my black chucks and all I got was why are you in all black? Which kept me happy because I didn't get anyone looking down there nose at what I was wearing.

But then there was my friend kelly, so was in the shortest skirt you could find, and heels that were way to high for school. And its like she does something like this everytime and its gets to me, like yeah, she's hot, but come on she's got a boyfriend and everything but she still goes prancing around like she couldn't careless. And it gets to me you know? Like how could someone be such a whore to not care about self respect and all that stuff.

But then she turns around and she's starts lying to me which gets me thinking coz I've got friends that tell the truth but tell the world your secrets, and it makes me wonder if someone who lies but keeps secrets is better then someone who tells the truth but lets everyone know everything. It really seems somewhat retard that I have to deal with both these friends in such a form because really they can be nice when there not lying and telling the world other peoples secrets.

And now, mums gone out for some drinks and I'm stuck here watching a bunch of little Retards that can't do what they're told. So I'm off to deal with them. Bye all.

life

hello hello all, just relised I havn't really introduced myself just really been having a bit of a bitch, well, I'm heather from sydney, I live in the inner west like 20 minutes from the city and I swear its like the most awesome thing ever,ignoring the fact that as soon as I can I want to move away from here, but i guess thtas a completely different story, I aim to do something with radio or tv production, I'm in year 11 and I swear its killing my life, I thought I was choicing alright subjects and like now its like OMFG I hate half of them, its like you know when you get this idea in your head about what somethings going to be like? well thats exactly what happended to me. I was all yeah this'll be cool, history will be like last year, math will be a bludge, entertainment will be mad, bleh bleh bleh, couldn't be more wrong.

Like I like entertainment, its fun I've met new people and stuff and its teaching me stuff I will probably want to know, but on the other hand its got me thinking that maybe I should have kept up with the whole doing a year of radio production basics and a year of tv basics, but everyone talked me out of it and like I'm slowly starting to regret it, but I guess theres not much I can really do.

And with history, last year I though it was a pain but I liked it, it was interesting, something different, something I could somehow relate to, but like now its all different, its confusing the fuck outta me. and its like the same with Math, last year it pissed me off, but like I'm awesome with it, and now its like arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I want to seriously pull me hair out.

But I guess its all about living with things I guess. But yeah, back to about me, I'm nothing overly interesting really, just an over the top average school girl who wants to get away. I seriously think that most of the people I know are back stabbing two faced whores, but I live with them, more like atempt my hardest to put up with them. Adn half the time I feel like turing around to them and telling them to get the fuck overthemselves and too grow the fuck up, but then again, theres not much I can do about all that really.

I am slowly becomming more and more lazy with not really bothering about most things, and not really bothering with worrying about what the rest of society thinks of me, it strains too much on my mental health. I have recently fallen in love with a man who not many people agreed with me doing so, we fight on occassions, but we seem to make it though most of the bullshit thta peopel chuck at us, and he can seriously be the biggest pain in the arse from time to time, but its like I know his only doing to look after me and protect me in his own special twisted way, and thats kinda why I love him.

I have the normal family from what most people would say, you know, mum, dad, two sisters and a brother, the people you know you can depend on if you need something, as much as tye piss me off I love them, because I know that no matter which family I'm with, the people in it are generally going to find a way to piss you off.

I think thats kinda all for now, so I'm off.

lostintransmission. x

wemakeupjustsowecanbrakeup

rawr, okay so like sometimes it does feel like things only happen so that it can then fall apart, if you think about it, it is somewhat true. Two weeks ago it all fell apart and a day later it was perfect again and it happened again on friday, so I went to the party and he didn't come and ignored me for like the entire day until about 5 minutes before I was going to leave, he tried to start a fight but it didn't work, and just put my phone away and ignored it, but when i went and checked it later on he was going on saying that I was drinking and shit and trying to make it seem like I was cheating on him which pissed me off emencly and we ended up fighting over it and by the end of it all I told him it was over, and he just took it and didn't say anything about it.

And then comes a long saturday morning and he's ringing me up at 8 in the morning wanting to talk, so I go after everything I did it was the least I could do, and we sat not talking for almost and hour and then he turns around is telling me that it could never work again and all random stuff and I was like fine, like seriously what else was I going to, admit defeat right in front of him? I dont think so. So on he went and then we turns around and his like I'm hungry and he invites me over to eat, and its WTF? after saying it could never work again his doing this? He was seriously confusing thw fuck out of me, but I went, I wasn't about to let it fall apart compelety, but I told myself I wouldn't fight which I didn't do, but though out the day wierd things happen, he was saying stuff like I wasn't his girlfriend one minute but the next saying that he wanted me as his wife the next, so I went with it.

And then by the end of day it all seemed somewhat back on track, and we were happy again, but in the past two days from that things have changed, not from the happiness, or things becomming bad, but it all seems somewhat more romantic. Something I don't think either of us have seen in a while, and it had been nice. But it has got me thinking about how much longer its going to last, like what happens if I want to go out again and he acts the way he did again? or what if we have some fight that kills us both. It really does have me thinking, but then again all I can do is hope for the best.

letsallgoforaparty

okay, so like tomorrow night this friend of mine is having her 16th birthday party, straight up you can figure out what its gonna be like, but avoiding all commen thoughts on the idea i reckon its going to be quite alright, dinner in the city, koroke, then hang out in darling habour (which I'm most likly going to skip). I have no problems with these plans neither does my mother, but then comes along my bf, straight out I ask him if he'd like to come he goes on making up excuses like, oh I dont know anyone, there not my age, I dont get along with them. . . blah blah blah. And its not like this is first time his done it, a few months ago I went out with a bunch of people I worked with I asked him to come his like nah you go, so I go out, next thing I know his going on how i shouldn't have gone out and shit, which I went along with for a few days then got the shits with him and it started a huge fight. And its like I dont want that happening again so I invite him, I try and get him into comming but it doesn't work but his like its fine you go, then yesterday I go over and his like I dont want you to go, and its like huh? and then he starts going on that there is going to be guys there that he doesnt know and shit, and its like and what? we've been going out for almost a year now and he seriously has this idea in his head that I'm going to cheat, its like yeah okay think that if you want but you've got no right to, I have never given him the idea that I would do something like that and when I ask him why his got such a crazy idea in his head he turns around and says "I trust you I just don't trust them" its like seriously how much more of a idoit can you become. Anywho the pysco librarian is going on so I'm off, cya.