my goal

Okay, I read that you're going to be more motivated to do something if you have people that know you're goal and are encouraging you to reach it through support and positive feedback. So my goal is to lose 30cm off my waist and fit into a size 12.

Any feedback or advice on staying on track would be appreciated.

Lostintransmissionxx

Just a little bit lost, confused and unsure.

It's getting late and I know I should be asleep but I'm scared and I'm worried and I feel like I haven't done enough on a lot of grounds for myself, my friendships, my family and my future. Tomorrow morning I have an interview for a scholarship that will pay for all my University fees and gives me a permanent job out of Uni my only problem is I don't think I deserve it.

I know I've put a lot of work into keep everyone else happy this year but I haven't put enough to my studies. I'm worries that I'm going to get it over someone else that probably deserves it more then myself. I know if I don't go for it than I'm going to let everyone around me down because they've all pushed me so hard to do my best and not give it up but is it really what I deserve? Do I deserve a scholarship over someone else? I really don't know, and it's eating away at me.

Lostintransmissionxx.

So here it is . . .

So I was thinking I should most likely keep to my word and come and write this fully intense update on my life but I seriously don't know what to say.

I guess I should start with a timeline of significant events since January and see if I can go in-depth into them or something like that; it should be in chronological order of when things happened and such so stick with through the boring parts.

1 - I got myself a new job, yeah, woo go me? Yeah okay so it's not that bad I rather enjoy it, it's not like I cbfed going to work and all it's the fact I have to go to work.

2 - I graduated High School! Alright so that's kind of cool, big significant part of my life all over and done with and all. It's been alright since then kind of on and off studying for exams (last one tomorrow :D.) That means I'm basically free to do whatever I want and what kind of got me back into the idea of blogging but I'm thinking I'm not just going to blog about myself but more of that later.

3 - I got myself an early offer from the University Of Notre Dame to do teaching which is pretty damn awesome.

4 - I've got myself an interview on Monday for a scholarship to pay for this offer from Notre Dame which again is pretty damn awesome.

That's kind of all of the major significant things that have happened since I last had an update but it lets you all know what's going on in my life and such, which I just realised is pretty boring but any who like I said I'm going to take a different approach to this whole blogging thing since I didn't really get much interest when I was writing about my life so I'm going to start incorporating my opinions on movies and such.

That's all for now, lostintransmission over and out.

It's been a while

Hi all, so everything got crazy and I gave up but I think it's time for me to come back and let you know how I am doing, atm good.

I'm running short of time right now but I'll be back with a full length OMG everything no one really wants to know soonish.

I don't know what day it is.

So I went up to my aunty's for new years because really I had no choice, one of my sisters over heard my brother and me talking about some party he wanted to go to and well yeah I ended up two hours away from anything remotely fun sucks arse.

Seeing its a week since then that's not really the point of this blog, so I came home new years day because there was no way I was staying up there more then I had to and it's not because I missed home or the people around because truthfully I have nothing to do with most people now. It's actually kind of funny going from wanting to be the center of attention to not really giving a uck, but hey that's just how the world works.

I don't really have a point for this update I just got some email about some website looking for people to do some video blog thing about where I live and it was like who cares? I live in some little inner west suburb msot people (unless you acutally live in the area) no of like seriously or maybe that's just the world is going keep to what you know aye?

Actually that brings me to something I could actually talk about that wouldn't be complete bs, lol, so I was eating last night, I know right amazing, I eat and I was thinking who decided that we could eat food? like I get that evalution kind of forced us into eating but like who was to decide that we could eat what we did and how did everyone else find out? like seriously I know I guess it kind of just amazed me really.

Guess who.

Okay, I'm sorry I havn't blogger in like, ummm, agers but I've been busy, okay lazy.

Ummm, this week I'm on work exp. down at sydney prop specialists its alright, I guess. At points I've wanted to just like kill myself out of boredem but now its kinda alright everyone's kinda talking to me here and there and I'm not just painting and sanding which was doing my head.

Its actually kinda funny most of the week phil the paint guy has been getting me to sand and then this morning when I start to he tells me to stop coz his got a headache.

Ummm, well yeah that's what I've been up to this week. What about you? :)

Lostintrasmission.xx

Maybe.

So, as I said yesterday. I fucked up. And well nothing seems to be working.

self pity, wanting him, wishing for time to turn around, talking, nothing. I just feel so shit, I've fucked up the best thing going atm and its killing me.

Faaark! If I've lost him I'm seriously gonna die. I love him so much! :(

Lostintrasmission.xx

Everything turns to a nightmare

So, you know I think its just me? Its never anyone else you know? That fucks her relationships up, its always my reactions, and actions, and train of thought, and just be in general that ruin everything.

You know I seriously thought this time would be different? Like maybe we could go a few months without a fight, you know like normal people? But no, I have to come along and fuck us all up with my fucking jealousy!

I seriously fucking hate myself! I love him so much but I just can't do this right, and now I've pushed him so far away with me actions and I just don't have the strength to fight any of it anymore. I just don't want to.

I failed math and modern. Got 84 for drama. Guess I can't complain about that. Havn't got anything else back yet, but the fail is still a worry.

And then on top of that I've fucked it up, his blocked me from everything, I've pushed myself out and it hurts. You know what if it was a team effort maybe it wouldn't feel so bad but knowing I puched him away well that just kills.

Lostintrasmission.xx

youtube.

So like in my complete bordem of school and study periods *cough cough* frees, I have found like the coolest guy on youtube like ever! Okay, so maybe but not?! But you know his pretty funny and an alright singer.

So like I'm just gonna do a spot of advertising, Charlie is so cool. :P

lostintransmission.xx

EXAMS :(

Well well well, isn't this week just a bitch! eExams all bloody week, I guess it's not to bad, I only have one exams a day and I'm pretty sure I've done alright in most of them maybe even a pass in modern history! Well a BIG maybe but hey you get what I mean?

But I'm more looking forward to the weekend, my parents are going out which means I can stay out all weekend ! Yay me :)

lostintransmission.xx